Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
