I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
