I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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