Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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