My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am one with the molecules
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
