He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize