Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
