she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
