a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
