the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
