apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
