how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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