i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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