I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
