I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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