Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize