i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
