oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize