: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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