I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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