I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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