you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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