just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize