Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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