so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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