i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
