i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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