Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
