Yo dont text me then not text me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
