Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
