i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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