Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
