Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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(619): View more from California

I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.

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(407): View more from Florida

i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

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(916): View more from California

I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule

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(330): View more from Ohio

apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

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(770): View more from Georgia

How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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(303): View more from Colorado

I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off

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(732): View more from New Jersey

My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here

(732): View more from New Jersey

I guess he's ir-illiterate

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