Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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