her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
