You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
