Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
