pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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