Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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