You just made me feel so damn special
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
