Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
