the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
