Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
