Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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