Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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