Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Couch. On fire.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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