As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
