my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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