wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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