Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
