can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize