i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
