One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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