dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
