I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In America we eat man semen.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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