He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
