I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize