i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
