we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
