oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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