Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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