apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
