You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
