i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
