It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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