OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
