by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize