All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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